Blue Mountain Arts Poetry Contest

Healing
by Rachel Jackson

THirty-SECOND Contest
First Place

sometimes 
it snows in the middle of april 
and sometimes 
weeds grow in the middle of a rose garden 
and sometimes 
you color outside the lines 
and sometimes 
love gets tucked away in a back drawer, 
in a forgotten room of the heart. 

i still write poems for you, 
the same way other people 
bring flowers to graves. 
and i want you to know 
that i’m glad i am the name 
that softly dies at your lips 
and not the girl 
you talk about at parties. 

i shifted my edges 
to match your puzzle piece 
so you wouldn’t have to change at all. 
and you never appreciated it, 
but i broke every rule for you, 
i broke every piece of my heart for you. 

i remember everything. 
like how you love cherry slushies more than life 
and 
how you long for savannah georgia’s sweet air. 
i bet you don’t even remember 
my favorite color. 
but that’s okay because 

i have learned 
that attention isn’t love 
and life is too abundant to only be half-lived 
through a dimly lit phone screen. 
i once thought i needed mountains 
or dazzling city lights, 
but the truth is, i will be content 
wherever my feet are. 

i have figured out that when you bury sadness in your veins, 
it makes roots in your heart. 
so i breathe it out instead. 
i taught my feet to stand confident 
and to shake off the need to walk back 
into thorns that hurt me or hurt others. 

i don’t need approval because i am built for my purpose 
and i stand firm 
in who i am created to be. 
i know i want to be loved with passion 
and not nice, half-hearted words. 
i know where i am flawed, 
and i have granted myself the grace 
to patch those places up and change for the better. 
i have realized that true friendships 
are more valuable than gold 
and showing your scars waters the soil 
in others so they can bloom. 
i’m not scared to walk down 
any path anymore, 
because i don’t see life the way i used to. 
i see everything through a lens of freedom. 

the healing came slowly and quietly. 
but it came fully. 
you wouldn't recognize me anymore. 
it’s funny 
because i became the person you always wanted me to be. 
but i did it for me and not for you. 

About the Author
I am a 20-year-old Physical Therapy student at Maryville University in St. Louis, MO. I have been in love with words and stringing them together in poems and stories ever since I was a little girl. Besides writing and school, I love to play soccer, read books, and hang out with my cute puppy. My passion is people, and I primarily write about my faith in hopes that it will encourage others.